March.

I'm so restless. It's time for something to change... I don't know what yet... a job would be nice... friends. I had two interviews with Brothers last week. They seemed to like me, but I haven't gotten a call.
Mom is gone this week with one of her friends at the beach. I've been doing all the housework and babysitting, seeing as I have no where to go. I don't really mind I suppose... what else am I going to do? But when the evening comes and I've done all the work there is to do --laundry, dishes, dinner, clean kids--I'm completely bored out of my mind.
Someone at church Sunday practically informed everyone that I look like I'm losing weight. "Are you losing weight?! You look like you're losing weight!" I haven't been trying to... but I probably am considering I hardly eat anything anymore. There's hardly anything to eat in the house except when dinner magically comes from nowhere... either that or you're out of luck and it's tuna and/or eggs. Need I say more? I'm just not hungry. Monday I decided to start running again everyday... I'm going to keep that up... it feels good to be sore... means I'm working.
Josh has been so busy lately... it scares me. We haven't been able to talk a whole lot, or see each other... something is wrong. I'm trying my hardest not to bug him. I'm trying to trust again... I just... I can't hear those words again. I never want to hear he doesn't have time for me.
I'm lonely. I haven't let someone close in a long time. I guess I've just been able to ignore that feeling because it's easier than trying... but last night I realized just how lonely I am. I was up late just reading a book... I couldn't sleep and Josh wasn't texting me. It's been such a long time since I've had girls to hang out with... to stay up late having "girl talk"... what is girl talk anyways? It just seems like all the girls around my age are the same... all they care about is how they look, what they wear, who gets who... I've been stuck in a guy crowd for so long I can't even tolerate girliness. It's never bothered me being the only girl in a group of guys either... people can think what they want, I don't care. I'm not a slut.
I need to get out of Blairsville.