Tuesday, February 26, 2008

dream... that's the thing to do...

I don’t have much time to draw anymore… it’s tragic. I think about it… but really the only artwork I do nowadays is the doodling in my math book, my notebook and my arm. I should start that habit again… I miss it.
You know what… I realized I’ve never described myself. Not just in here… but never. I’ve never tried to describe myself in words---my looks… that is. I suppose I should try. *ahem*
I have a clear complexion with a pale olive tint. I’m very pale, not white enough to be albino… but pale all the same. I can’t wear much green because it makes me look sickly. I have long---about longer than my waist----wavy, brunette hair; layered, rich with thickness (not to mention, split ends), curly like a cradle around my face, and highlighted caramel on top. My eyes are ordinary brown eyes, wide… dark. Although when the sun is shining on them they’re a light golden brown. I have few freckles on the bridge of my nose and small pink lips. Scars trace the outline of my lips from all the cold sores I’ve had in my life. They’re only really noticeable when I go swimming and get cold because then they turn up purple. I have an hourglass figure, but I’m not exactly petite. I am short, but describing myself I can be as critical as I want so I’ll say I’m rather chunky—although others might not agree. And I’m afraid that’s all there is to me. I’m pretty ordinary… not stunningly beautiful, not slim… yep.
I finished White Oleander yesterday. It was depressing… but I like the ending she gave everyone. I'm so glad she gave Yvonne a happy ending. The book is very, very well written---Janet is one of the best authors out there---but the book is so real and worldly it shows you just how sinful people are. Yes, so, done with that book… lol… Today is Matt’s birthday. Wow, he’s eighteen. I sent him a Hoops and Yoyo ecard. I can’t believe how old everyone is getting… wow… Steph will be twenty! I’ve always dreamed about being sixteen just so I could say, “sweet sixteen.” But what does that mean? I’m old enough to get married? …haha.

Yesterday, Monday, I laid in bed half the morning just thinking… I hate Monday mornings… no really, Mondays are like those days where I lay in bed and think of what I’ve done with my life and about the future. Thinking about the future scares me. I hate thinking about it… how my family will separate and grow up. I don’t like how fast time goes. Marty told me just the other day that I look different… I don’t know what he meant exactly, but it made me scared and happy at the same time. Like I want to grow up, see the future… but at the same time, I don’t want anything to change.
Last night there was this tremendous storm… it was so loud I woke up during the first thunder. Storms that big scare me… especially because any minute an old tree could come tumbling down on our house… or worse, in the corner through the roof to flatten me! Nah, only joking, the house is more important than me… haha… It’s weird that it’s supposed to snow tonight because yesterday it was so warm and sunny you didn’t even have to wear a jacket. It made me so happy… Lydia and I took a walk and played some basketball. The birds were singing and the sun was amazingly bright… it made me miss spring.
I had a dream the other night that the Tobeys came over. Jonathan had gained a lot of weight and put on a beer belly, and when I went to hug Jesse he swept me up in his arms with a huge grin. I was so surprised, not only by that but why a new born baby popped up in my arms. You've... or I've really gotta question my dreams sometimes.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

featured question

What are five things you do everyday?
There's DEFINITELY more than five things I do everyday. But for the sake of the question--and the readers--I will only give you a specific five. Now we all know about brushing teeth, eating, thinking, sleeping, taking showers and all that... so I'll give you some other answers and not just life essentials.
1. I read my Bible. I'm a Christian, (why else would I read the Bible?), and so I'm devoted to spending ten minutes to an hour reading my Bible every day. It's amazing how old that book is, and yet, it still applies to our lives today... and there's always something you miss---so you read it your whole life and it's like God shows you something different through His word all the time.
2. I feed my pets. I have four cats, two fish and two dogs. It's not just an obligation to feed them; it's something they depend on me to do, like a mom feeding her kids everyday... we all need food.
3. I write. I journal almost every day. What could I possibly have to write about in just one day of school? Well... if you haven't noticed by now, my xanga is full of nonsensical stories and every day things that I put into words because I love to write.
4. I read---another read---that's basically my life... all my subjects in school include reading... even algebra. And plus, there are so many books out there I want to read---I just can't keep my hands off books! It's a love-hate relationship.
And 5. I listen to music... I can't study unless I have some kind of music. From Michael Buble to Switchfoot whatever it is... I'll be listening to it. Yep so those are my answers... yeah they're not so out of the ordinary---I'm sure you could get a lot more interesting, and unique answers from someone else... like skateboarding or shoe shining or killing bugs---something! lol... Breathing. Wait...what?...you breath?

Yep... so, that's my post. I expect everyone who comments this post to answer the question. Good day!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

stupid modem

I'm back! So... this is my new site. I'm still working out the quirks and everything but it's getting along. I haven't had a whole lot of time to update and plus our internet was down for a couple weeks so yeah... But here I am again! I don't think there's a soul in the world that can keep me from writing---even when no one is there to read it.
I've decided to try my luck on another love story. I told myself I should wait until I actually experience some kind of love for myself before I write my own... but there's just no staying away from it... I have to have some kind of romance when I write... if it's not the beauty in the sky, or mountains or something... it's the beauty in a love story. I've got all these ideas running around in my head and I think I might just have a good book coming along. Here's some scenes I wrote out (I know I'm a cheater---I skip ahead so I can write my favorite parts I want to write before putting the story together) I'll warn you these few paragraphs have nothing to do with each other so don't blame me when a question mark pops up. Alright so you can't really tell this is gonna be a love story from these few paragraphs---but it will be... this book is gonna be a lot of fun to write because the main character resembles me quite a lot. And all the other characters are people I know---well except the guy she falls in love with---nope haven't met him yet.

“You have a beautiful voice,” he whispered in my ear as I strummed. His lips stayed close to my ear and he brushed my curls back as if he were going to kiss me. I kept playing but I was aware of my cheeks gleaming a bright pink as he watched my hands, glared at my neck, and then he found my lips. He was so close I could feel his warm breath on my skin. I stopped playing and slowly turned to face him. I could see every detail on his face as it was so close to mine… just inches away. He didn’t say anything, didn’t breath, didn’t move. The moments seemed to pass like years just sitting there gazing into his dark blue eyes. They looked like a galaxy of stars and when they stared straight back into mine I felt like the sun, just a small reflection in his miles and miles of ocean blue. A door slammed in the apartment across from mine and we both jumped like children having their parents walk in on them when doing something they shouldn’t. I looked down at the guitar and smiled, Jason laughed and relaxed against the couch.

I didn’t know how to tell her to lay off. She slid her hand through mine and tried to get me to skip with her. When I didn’t she rested her head on my shoulder and hugged my arm with both hands. She was like a child… desperate for love and attention, always chattering trying to get my interest and approval as if I were a parent to her. I looked at her silently taking in every detail. She had some freckles on her tan face, she wore small glasses, had dry lips, thick eyebrows and messy dark hair. Her nails were as long as stick-ons, and they had dirt under them. I didn’t like the way she talked as spit gathered at the edge of her lips like she needed to swallow. It was like a game to her when she talked to me. She wouldn’t look at me while she talked, but if I weren’t starring at her she’d immediately notice and turn and glance to make sure my eyes stayed on her. I attentively listened, nodding my head, wondering if I’d ever get a chance to speak and if she’d listen.

The tips of his fingers were lined and mutilated with calluses from playing guitar. The skin was ripped and torn with crooked scars. He strummed a slow G then lowered the capo to fret five so I could sing. He put the red Star pick in his mouth and began finger picking a melody I knew so well. I was mesmerized by his soft playing. Those small six strings where like a voice to him… a vent for his emotions to escape through.

There was a constant knocking on the door like a hammer hitting my head. I couldn’t remember if the door was locked or unlocked, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to see anyone and I preferred no one see me. It was silent and then I heard the doorknob jingling. I hid under the covers and smashed my face in my pillow. It was silent.
My eyes instantly popped open. I knew that voice. The springs creaked and I felt a weight on the bed beside me.
“Are you decent?”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t want him to see me like this. As much as I wanted him to leave I knew deep down I wanted him to stay, to hold me and tell me everything would be alright. The covers slowly pulled back from over my head. My face was still in my pillow, my hair probably looked like a rats nest, and I remembered I was a in a tank top with a low back line. I could feel his eyes on me, my almost bare back. I wished I could run to the bathroom for safety.
I slowly turned to look at him. His face was full of sympathy as he gazed at my dry face, my red eyes and the stains of tears trailing down my cheeks. His eyes searched mine and I didn’t like the sadness that came across his. I pushed my hair back and cuddled my knees against my breast, my gray sweat pants feeling hot on my skin. I hadn’t realized how weak I was and my arms trembled. Jason watched me, eyeing every movement without saying a word. Before I knew what he was doing he slid his arm beneath me and his hand on my back and lifted me from the bed. I felt like a feather, frail and weightless as he carried me to the couch in the living room. He didn’t speak, no words were needed. He understood. He pulled open the blinds and sunlight streamed in and filled the room. I watched the dust rise and Jason placed a blanket around me.