dream... that's the thing to do...

I don’t have much time to draw anymore… it’s tragic. I think about it… but really the only artwork I do nowadays is the doodling in my math book, my notebook and my arm. I should start that habit again… I miss it.
You know what… I realized I’ve never described myself. Not just in here… but never. I’ve never tried to describe myself in words---my looks… that is. I suppose I should try. *ahem*
I have a clear complexion with a pale olive tint. I’m very pale, not white enough to be albino… but pale all the same. I can’t wear much green because it makes me look sickly. I have long---about longer than my waist----wavy, brunette hair; layered, rich with thickness (not to mention, split ends), curly like a cradle around my face, and highlighted caramel on top. My eyes are ordinary brown eyes, wide… dark. Although when the sun is shining on them they’re a light golden brown. I have few freckles on the bridge of my nose and small pink lips. Scars trace the outline of my lips from all the cold sores I’ve had in my life. They’re only really noticeable when I go swimming and get cold because then they turn up purple. I have an hourglass figure, but I’m not exactly petite. I am short, but describing myself I can be as critical as I want so I’ll say I’m rather chunky—although others might not agree. And I’m afraid that’s all there is to me. I’m pretty ordinary… not stunningly beautiful, not slim… yep.
I finished White Oleander yesterday. It was depressing… but I like the ending she gave everyone. I'm so glad she gave Yvonne a happy ending. The book is very, very well written---Janet is one of the best authors out there---but the book is so real and worldly it shows you just how sinful people are. Yes, so, done with that book… lol… Today is Matt’s birthday. Wow, he’s eighteen. I sent him a Hoops and Yoyo ecard. I can’t believe how old everyone is getting… wow… Steph will be twenty! I’ve always dreamed about being sixteen just so I could say, “sweet sixteen.” But what does that mean? I’m old enough to get married? …haha.
Yesterday, Monday, I laid in bed half the morning just thinking… I hate Monday mornings… no really, Mondays are like those days where I lay in bed and think of what I’ve done with my life and about the future. Thinking about the future scares me. I hate thinking about it… how my family will separate and grow up. I don’t like how fast time goes. Marty told me just the other day that I look different… I don’t know what he meant exactly, but it made me scared and happy at the same time. Like I want to grow up, see the future… but at the same time, I don’t want anything to change.
Last night there was this tremendous storm… it was so loud I woke up during the first thunder. Storms that big scare me… especially because any minute an old tree could come tumbling down on our house… or worse, in the corner through the roof to flatten me! Nah, only joking, the house is more important than me… haha… It’s weird that it’s supposed to snow tonight because yesterday it was so warm and sunny you didn’t even have to wear a jacket. It made me so happy… Lydia and I took a walk and played some basketball. The birds were singing and the sun was amazingly bright… it made me miss spring.
I had a dream the other night that the Tobeys came over. Jonathan had gained a lot of weight and put on a beer belly, and when I went to hug Jesse he swept me up in his arms with a huge grin. I was so surprised, not only by that but why a new born baby popped up in my arms. You've... or I've really gotta question my dreams sometimes.